a birthday message

Happy Birthday, Mom.

You pride yourself in being tough. You use to remind me: “never love anyone more than they love you.” You would say this is how you keep Dad in line!

He told me he found the courage to start his own business because you said “If you fail and all we can afford to eat are rocks, I’ll eat it with you. But try.”

Whatever challenges you had with grandma, you always looked after her and never made him choose loyalties. because, as you said, “she’s your dad’s mother.” That was reason enough.

Everyday you’re at home alone in the afternoons because dad is out playing golf. You encourage it because “he enjoys it”. That was reason enough.

After dad’s heart attack, you prepared meals he wanted but you hated - even when he was neurotic about it - and ate them with him. It was what he needed to feel safe. That was reason enough.

You love to travel more than anything in the world. But you never leave dad to do it, even if it means forgoing a trip you want to take. Because, you say, who will take care of him? That was reason enough.

When the business hit a really tough patch, without hesitation, complaints or recriminations, you made the decision to pack up, give up your lovely big home to renters, moved into a government flat, started taking the bus. You were in your 60s. You knew he needed you to make that decision so that he could say you were overreacting. Because, in that moment, his pride wouldn’t have survived it any other way. That was reason enough.

There are many more stories like that, of how you don’t love him more or the even same.

Thank you for showing me how to love.