boundaries
My love,
Thank you for making your perspective so clear on our call on Saturday. I completely agree with you about the website, logo and business cards (and even the ongoing content for your instagram account). You should not have them with strings attached.
So I have taken the time to reflect deeply, interrogated my motivations and have been brutally honest with myself.
My support to get things up and running for you wouldn’t come with strings. Nothing I have ever done for you ever came with that.
But it would have come with hope. Hope that the love and support I give will be noticed, valued and reciprocated; hope that I would be of help and be an integral part of all your endeavours, remind you of us and inspire you to make different choices.
And I think that’s where I need to take a page from you and consider only what feels right for me in the context of your decision.
To help finish or give you my work will be over-giving again. I cannot allow myself to keep doing that, especially when we are not building a life together. However much my instinct is to do so. I know it will continue to prolong and compound my pain. And I will be left to deal with it on my own. Unrequited hope will continue to crush me.
Knowing that, I must stop continuing to curry your love and commitment through acts of service. My decisions must be more intentional and I need to face the facts - love and commitment, when there, are freely given - they are not contingent upon one’s usefulness or perfection, and one shouldn’t have to keep trying to prove they deserve it.
I will always fight for our love, but I can’t continue to fight to be loved. You have made clear you have chosen to move on without me, I need to do the same now and let you go. And that also means letting go of any desire, however powerful, to “make it go away” for you again.
I know you will find someone who will design an even better logo, website, content for social media and business cards for you. It just can’t be mine. Or have my involvement. I hope you know me enough to respect how gut-wrenching it is for me to say no to you. I am so very, very sorry this will disappointment you.
I love you with all my heart, and wish you all the best. Your venture is going to be amazing. I believe in you.
LLB
Write me a note to set my boundaries.